2010-What did we see?

How we frame events in our lives dictates how we live and how we look at life. Events happen and much of the time, we cannot control them. What we can control is how we look at them. These are some photos from 2010 and as I was going through them, I got to thinking, how do we frame what we see? Often time it can be a combination of many things. What do you see?


Do we see Sergei, the kid who stole the tractor parts to help feed himself or the one whose smile is infectious and whose faith came alive at a juvenile colony in Ukraine?

Do we see kids whose parents abused them and threw them away surrounding the assistant director of the orphanage or do we see kids with smiles that faith, hope, and love can give that can never be taken away surrounding a woman who grew up in the same place and who now dedicates her life to those who are like she once was?

Do we see a Muslim student who left school to take care of his family and a Christian educator who started a school for kids like him in Cape Town or do we see a son who calls her mom because she loves him and her other students as Christ loved His children?

Do we see a young man who once lived in a car with his alcoholic mother and who ended up in detention or do we see the loving father, husband and attorney who helps kids understand that there is a Redeemer and redemption?

Do we see colleagues who huffed and puffed their way up a mountain or do we see friends from different backgrounds whom God has blessed to allow to work together at Straight Ahead?

Are they just people crammed into the stairwell or friends who traveled to Ukraine for 10 years together, who can still share stories, laugh with and at each other and wonder how it got to be 11:00pm so fast?

Is he an abandoned kid who asked me if I knew what time it was in Russian 12 years ago and laughed at me when I didn't know how to eat sunflower seeds or a new husband, magazine writer and Believer who shows love in ways that still amaze?

Are they young men and women who grew up in an orphanage or a family which the Lord has formed from battered and broken lives?

Is it just a meal in a small house in Ukraine or a gathering of men, eating and having fellowship and just enjoying being together?

Old guys in Vermont being chased by horseflies or old friends sharing memories from 10 years on hot, cramped buses going to juvenile prisons and camps in Ukraine and sharing hopes for the future?








A prom queen or a beautiful young lady about to leave my oldest friends empty-nesters and us feeling really old and saying things like, "how did that happen so fast?"

Christmas Sorta

On the Road to Kamarivka

In Dr. Suess' How The Grinch Stole Christmas, after he had stolen all of the gifts, trees, lights and tinsel, the Grinch was waiting to hear the Whos in Whoville crying as they awoke to a Christmas without any of the usual trimmings. Instead, he heard the Whos singing and celebrating what was still Christmas. When he heard this, the Grinch's heart grew two sizes too big. He was transformed by understanding that Christmas was not about the lights and the presents. It was about something more...

Here in Ukraine, there are few signs of what we in the West have come to associate with Christmas: there are few lights on houses, few Santa Clauses, and few commercials reminding us of how many shopping days we have left. There are also few reminders of the birth of Christ for which the season is celebrated.

Yesterday, Doug Stoddard and I went to Kamarivka, a village where Doug has been working for 8 years with kids in the orphanage, old people in the hospital and with regular people in the village. It is a two hour drive from Kiev and Doug goes each week. Villages here in Ukraine are often breeding grounds for the social ills that plague the society-there are few jobs, cheap vodka, and too much time to do nothing. In many ways, they are like the poorer parts of cities in America.

As we were driving, Doug saw many people who know him and who stopped us to talk.  Doug and the organization he is with, MANNA Worldwide, have helped to bring aid to many there and have been able to put together teams that have helped transform the orphanage from a place where there was little heat, holes in the floors and children wearing raggedy clothes, to one where the kids have warm rooms and decent care. He has also shared the Gospel in a way that people want to see him and not in a way that makes them run away. In a Christ-like way.

As we were leaving the orphanage, Doug had about 5 kids in tow. When we got to the car, Doug said that it's always hard to leave, even when he knows that he'll be back the following week. When he said that, I thought how it's people like Doug who represent the Incarnate God of the Christian faith. He brings love and hope into dark places and finds a way to do it that make people smile when they see him. I'm sure that some of their hearts are already two sizes too big.

Have a wonderful Christmas!

Police and Returns

For those who work with at-risk or post-risk kids, there are some things that are pretty much a given and some of them involve the police. When Scott, Hanne and I were at the Straight Ahead Discipleship house in Westboro, the kids who lived with us all came from lock-ups and some of them had some pretty serious crimes. They had all come to faith and wanted to live in a new environment, but the past was always with them. The police were aware of the house and would sometimes sit in front of it or would follow the guys to work at McDonalds. At one point, we had to let the police know that I was an attorney and though we didn't want any trouble, we were not going to let them make it harder for the guys to turn their lives around. That changed things and later, one of the kids, Moe, was even able to work with them as he studied criminal justice. God has a way of rewriting things, even if it is through demon spawn lawyers. I mean...

Last week, four days before Bogdan and Anya were to return from Egypt, I received a text message from Roma: "Привет Джон. У меня большие проблемы. Мне надо поговорить с тобой- Hi John, I have big problems. I need to speak with you." Never a good message. When he came home, Roma was shaking. He had been accused of taking something while at the university and he was brought to the police station for three hours. They told him to return the next morning. Orphans are often seen as guilty as they are thought to have "bad blood" and such was the case with Roma.

The Westboro experiences came flooding back (when Scott and Hanne went away or when I was gone, stuff always seemed to happen!) and I knew we had to pray. I also knew that we needed to contact a lawyer and we know one here who is a believer. Dima told Roma not to go back to the police and that if they came for him, he should tell them he has a lawyer. It worked and nothing went any further.

Anya, Bogdan, (L) a few of the kids, and Jenny Kelly from New Year's 2005

Early Monday morning, Bogdan, Anya and their son Pasha came home from their vacation. They were tired, but had had a great trip. Last night, they took out "the slides" and all of the kids, Bogdan's mom, and I watched and heard the stories. As Bogdan and Anya were talking, I was watching all 17 of the guys and girls who were there and saw how happy they were to have Bogdan and Anya home. It's hard to describe, but it was as if there was nothing wrong in the world for them and the ones who made them a family, the ones who keep them safe, were home.

I guess that is what Christmas is supposed to be like.

An Early Present

In many ways, Ukrainian society is more direct and has less "gray" in it than in the West. The weather is often hot or cold, Ukrainians are either upfront or avoid confrontation at all cost, and decisions are made more decisively. Two weeks ago, Handjik and Lena (two of the young people who used to live at the Safe Haven home) got engaged. The following Sunday, they and Anya sat down and had the wedding all planned out: where (Andrew and Jenny's camp), when (Jan. 22), who will come (53 people) and who will bring what. Assignments were given and, boom, a wedding is planned.

Bogdan baptizing Boo-who needs a fancy baptismal?

That next night, we had another one of those decisive moments. Sergei Buliyev's ("Boo") heart was opened and he felt God was calling him to faith. He repented and then wanted to be baptized. A few years ago, Boo had been at the orphanage camp and had really connected with Jake, Tim, Matt, Kyle and James. He even wrote to them to tell them how much their friendship meant to him and how much he admired their faith.

And what does it look like when you are connected with God and with a family? Take a look at the photo of Boo and Shkasia (below) and you be the judge.

Shkasia and Boo

Restoration

The tire that shredded on our way to the orphanage

The little boy on the right of this photo is doing something that we never saw from him before. Tolic is smiling. When a team from church came here last spring, Tolic was new and sad. He would come and sit off to the side, but not participate in activities. But as time went on he started getting closer to Cheryl. After a bit, whenever Cheryl had a free arm, Tolic was in it. He sensed Cheryl's loving heart and Christ's love coming through her. When we visited the orphanage last week, I brought a gift Cheryl had sent with me for Tolic. When I gave it to him and told him it was from her, Tolic looked at me in amazement and then ran to take the gift to his room. The awesome thing was that he did not stay there. He came back and hung out as we spent the day with the kids. Tolic was even smiling. I think that the Lord was too.

 

Bogdan and Kostya

One of the hardest parts of working with kids in detention centers, prisons and orphanages is that we see kids like Tolic come so far, only to see them fall away. But when you are in this for some time, you see some of those kids come back, even if it takes a while.

About a week before we went to Kaniv, Kostya called as he wanted to meet me when we came there. Kostya had lived with Bogdan and Anya a few years ago, but he started to get back into old, destructive habits and even with many chances, Kostya had to leave. The problem is that when the guys and girls leave like that, they often break all ties. Kostya had done that with Bogdan and Anya and hadn't wanted to see them.

God had some other plans as when Kostya called me, I was with Bogdan and Kostya asked to speak with him. When we went to the orphanage, Kostya met us all and spent time with Bogdan and Anya. Later he told me that he owned up to what he had done and had wanted to make it right with them. As he left, Kostya hugged us all and we all smiled at the gift that God had given us. What was lost has now been found.

Giving Thanks and Giving Back

Pasha and Sergei Skiba

There are times when the Lord smiles on us and gives us some extra gifts. He gave me one of those last week, when I visited the rehab house, they call "Revival House" in Zolotonosha. Quite a few years ago, some friends-Rob and Shyra, Steve and Lisa, Dan and Tracy-provided the funds to buy an old house that would become a place of new beginnings.

Pasha is living there even though he does not have an alcohol or drug addiction. Pasha came to faith at a Bible study in the juvenile prison colony in Kremenchug lead by Lydia Petrovna and Sergei Skiba. His abusive father is dead and his mother is in a mental hospital. Pasha, who has lived on the streets, in orphanages and, finally, in the colony since he was 11 wanted to live in a Christian environment. Sergei asked him to come to the house and now he has a home. Pasha is a gift to Sergei and when you see the two of them together, you see a family bond that goes deep. When I asked Pasha if he likes living there, he paused and said, "I love it." For Sergei and me, having Pasha there is a dream come true as for many years we have wanted a place for kids to come when they leave the colonies.

The Rehab Center Crew-Sergei, Pasha, Vovka, Ruslan, Vanya, John, Zhenya, Sergei

Sergei Skiba, Sergei, Sasha, and Zhenya help to run the center. Zhenya was the first resident and now he is it's leader. The guys who live there all have hope for the future, though the past still haunts them: Vovka is 24, came back the night we visited and was hoping for another chance as he realized he could not make in on his own. He is HIV+, they call him "ogon", which means fire, and he is a great kid. Ruslan is 25 and grew up on the streets of Kiev after bandits took his mother's apartment. She froze to death when he was 16. His smile and sense of humor are infectious and he has become a big brother to Pasha. Vanya is 53, looks at least 10 years older, lost his wife and kids due to his alcoholism and just moved into the house, hoping that the Lord of second chances will give him one. In the three days that we were there, we saw some of the old, long hidden Vanya coming back to life. Please pray for Vanya and the guys.

The Revival House is a place of second chances and new lives. It is also a place where giving thanks is not taken for granted. The guys wanted me to thank you for supporting them through Straight Ahead. I want to thank you for making this dream a reality.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Connecting

Zhenya, Zhivchik, me and Gala

Smor's with the boys.

Zhenya was new when he came to the orphanage, but at one of our first camps, he bonded with Tim right away. After that, he latched onto Matt, who is Tim's good friend so that seemed to make sense.

Zhivchik, who is now 16, has been my buddy since shortly after he got to the orphanage, which was a few weeks after his father beat him and left him to die. Zhenya, Zhichik and many of the guys and girls at the orphanages and prisons have similar stories. They often put up high wall around their hearts, but allow some of those walls to fall when the Lord shows His love through His people.

Sometimes I wonder if these visits and the time we spend with the kids really impacts them beyond making them feel good for a few days. I know it does, but the prayer of the father whose son was being tormented comes to mind: "Lord I believe. Help my unbelief." This past week, I met with guys who have become friends over the years and who both grew up in the orphanages.

Sasha is approaching 30 and he spent most of his childhood in different orphanages. He is a good guy and a hard worker. When we went out last week, we starting talking about relationships so I asked him about a girlfriend. Sasha said that he goes out with many girls, but nothing ever goes beyond going out. As he struggled for the Russian words that I would understand, I also saw the struggle in his heart. "You know, when you grow up in places like that, it's not normal. You don't have family. You just have other guys and girls. I don't know how to have a relationship."

As we talked more, Sasha told me that Americans, Christians, would come each summer and bring them to camp. Sasha is not a believer, but he has fond memories of the camp. I asked him if he remembered the people and Sasha smiled and said "Ben, Linda, Sarah,..." He still has letters from them even after 16 years. Those were some of the best weeks of his life. I'm praying that those memories will open his heart so he can see that he too can have someone special in his life.

When I told Dima some of that, it lead to a good discussion on what people really want in a relationship and then he said that he thanked God for the relationships he has been given, especially the one with his new wife.

Then I asked him if he thought our going to the orphanage made a difference. "Of course" was his answer. Dima said that whenever he would get a letter from me or when other kids got letters or packages from people they didn't even know, it made them all feel special, wanted. "You don't know what that feels like; when you have no one and then you think that someone really does care."

At the conference I went to last week, Pasha, who came to one of our trainings a couple of years ago and who now leads a ministry that is getting mentors for the kids in the orphanages, spoke of how one person at the orphanage showed love towards him and how that changed his life. We can all do that, can't we? What if each of us found one new person to care about? Easy. Nope. Often those who feel uncared for are hard to reach. But we need to do this.

Please pray for Sasha, Dima, Sveta, Zhenya, Zhivchik, and the others so that those walls will continue to fall.

Helpers

From Thursday until Sunday morning, 40 or so if us were at a conference at Pine Branch Christian camp, which is run by our friends Andrew and Jenny Kelly. The camp is located in a cool village down a dirt road. The soil there is mostly sand so they have pine trees and small birch trees and it reminds me of some places on Cape Cod (now if they can figure a way to get some ocean smell there, I'm moving).

Before the conference started, I got to go with Jenny to three villages where she visits families of children who came to the camp in the summer. The kids went there to get a break from the abject poverty that they live in. Jenny, Sergei, some girls from an American team and I went to visit three families that day and we got to see homes that are similar to the ones where kids at the orphanage come from. The first was the home of a boy who is one of four kids, whose mother is trying as best as she can, but who has to worry that her ex-husband will come back and abuse her and the kids. He is an addict and has made their lives miserable.

The next two places were ones where the caretakers of the children are alcoholics. All of them were grateful for the food and clothing that Jenny brought-through Jeremiah's Hope Ministry, Andrew and Jenny are raising money to help the kids who are stuck in these homes with little to eat and little to wear. The kids were just happy to see Jenny and Sergei.

When the conference started, we knew that we were in for a good time. The 40 or so people who came ranged from former addicts to a doctor and a psychologist from the nearby city. The one thing that everyone had in common was that they all have dedicated their lives to helping children who have no one. Russ York, a psychologist from California, and I lead the seminars and then we had time to lead small groups where people could share some of their concerns and get some ideas on how to help. 

One of the best things about the conference was the time when we could all just hang out and share stories. The Open Arms Ukraine gang had us all in stitches as they told of their adventures with kids in the city of Sumy. Others from YWAM and similar ministries all shared their hearts and it was great. When you tell a story that often gets responses ranging from "you're kidding me" to "that can't be true" and get the response "oh ya, that happened to us last week too..." you know you are in the right group.

This coming week, I will head to a conference being put on by Compassion International concerning orphans and at-risk kids in Ukraine. We'll see what connections come from that one!

Denis was new this year to the orphanage. He is 15 and had come from another orphanage that was closed so he was upended once again. Denis was in my room at the camp and when he came in, he didn't smile and didn't want to engage in any kind of conversation. When I saw him I prayed and asked the Lord to show me how we could reach out to Denis.

The camp was great, right from the start. The older kids acted like little kids right away (sometimes they can try to be tough guys and girls) and they hugged us and laughed and were so happy to be there. The leaders were all Ukrainian and me so that was great for communication. As many of you know, we did not even have permission to do the camp until the day before it was supposed to start. And here we were with 45 kids, the assistant director (who grew up in the orphanage and who is wonderful) and us. And the Lord.

Oxana, who grew up in the orphanage and who is now a strong Christian, came with us and she taught the girls how to do make-up. Oxa taught gave them new hairstyles. Both are professionals and it made the girls feel special. Since I can do nothing like that, I taught the guys how to play American Football and they loved it! We kept he rules as basic as possible and even with two hand touch, they still liked to tackle each other. Their smiles and laughter were contagious. If only our kids could be allowed to play a sport like that and still have fun and not have to be future Tom Bradys...but I digress.

On the last night of the camp, we did our traditional smors and fire and the kids loved it. I had the younger kids in my group and as I was giving them marshmellos they kept asking me if I wanted them to make me a smor. I wanted them to have them all, but they insisted. They loved making me the smors and I had to tell them that I couldn't eat any more. Kids with nothing wanting to give something. I love that.

After the fire, we went back and had small groups. In Roma's room, the older boys asked how their faith could come alive. Roma told them that Jesus loves them and wants to have a relationship, a friendship with them. They understood and five of the boys repented. In my room, we talked about fear and all of the kids said that they were afraid to die. Vova said that he was afraid to be alone and they all agreed. When we talked about Jesus promise to be with us and to never leave us, several of the guys said that they believed that. Denis said that he did not believe in God, but he wants to. That they were all so open was amazing.

Denis' smile-a blessing to see!

The next day as we were leaving, we had several hugs, many tears and many smiles. One of the last kids to get on the bus was Denis. As we got to the bus door, he hugged Gala and then me and said, "Please come with us." When I told him that we would be there in a couple of weeks, Denis smiled. I think that the Lord did too.

Deja Vu all over again

On Saturday morning, I slept in until almost 10:00am and that has not happened in a long time. But then again, what happened on Friday night had not happened in a long time either.

Bogdan and Anya had gone away to Anya's mom's for the night and I was at the house with most of the guys and girls. I decided to read at about 11:30 and about 20 minutes later, I heard the gate open and saw five of them leave. The area we live in is not the safest in the evening and they are not supposed to go off like that, especially without asking permission. About 45 minutes later, I had one of the other guys call them to tell them to get a part of their anatomy home. Memories came flooding back of 16 years ago when Scott and Hanne went away for the first time and I was alone at the Straight Ahead discipleship house. One guy took a car in the middle of the night and took off, another didn't go to his school graduation party, but managed to stay out all night, another decided to come back late just because and...you get the point.

Saturday night, we had a meeting with the five of them. Bogdan and Anya were upset, but stayed on the positive: "you've not had a family before and when you are a part of a family, it means giving up certain freedoms and living for others." They also said that they know it is not easy coming from a place of no rules, being 16 or 18 and having to be in by a certain time. When it was my turn, I just asked, "If Bogdan and Anya had been home, would you have done it?" There was silence. Only one said he did not know. I shared how I felt and we wrapped it up.

About an hour later, there was a knock on the door and all five filed in. "John we all wanted to say that we are sorry and didn't mean to hurt you and wanted to know if you can forgive us." Unlike one activist I once heard, I don't believe that forgiveness is yet another "F" word. I said I did and there was relief and hugs all around.

The real blessing came Sunday morning, when we could all look at each other and know that it was a new beginning. For some of those guys and girls, that was the first time they had done that. Lord help that to be a transforming moment for each of them and for me.

A Second Birthday Party

On any given weekend, Bogdan and Anya have 15 to 20 young people staying with them at the Safe Haven home in Kiev-that's on top of their own two sons. Thirteen of them live at the home, but others who lived there and who are now in college come "home" each weekend.

This past Friday, we celebrated Seroja's 18th birthday, but it was his second birthday party, ever. Last year, when he came to Bogdan and Anya's, Seroja had his first one. When the kids grow up in the orphanage, they do not have birthday parties unless some of the other kids do something special for them. So when Seroja (6th from left, standing) got his cake and blew out the candles, he looked more like an 8 than an 18 year old. His smile was infectious and everyone loved being able to celebrate him.

At one point in His ministry, Jesus redefined what it means to be family. He went to the outcasts and people who had been pushed out of the mainstream, loved them, took them in as disciples-followers- and said this is my family. He celebrated them and he called on all of us to do the same.

Those are true family values.

 Dima, me and Sveta before the ceremony.

Sveta and Dima at the Church

Sergei K. on right (with pillow) on our way to speak at the juvenile prison

Passages

Two phone calls in just a few minutes can show the intracacies of life. Dima called to let me know that we would take a van out to the city where his wedding would be. He was getting excited and couldn't wait for the big day. The next call was from Sergei Skiba letting me know that our friend Sergei K. had lost his battle with HIV/AIDS and that the funeral was the next day. At first it seemed a cruel twist of fate that a new life, where two were to become one, was about to begin, as another one of a friend was ending after only 27 years.

But the reality is that both lives are continuing, in different ways. Sergei was a believer and the promise of Christ of eternal life is now his reality. For his wife, daughter and friends, that gives hope. Please pray for them.

For Dima and Sveta, their lives are also moving forward in new and wonderous ways. This was my first experience at a Ukrainian Orthdox wedding and it was a treat. The pageantry and the beauty were awesome. As the godfather, I held the icon of Christ and as the rings were blessed, my eyes teared up and I had to blink as fast as I could to keep my composure--I'd be banished if I dropped that icon!

The day after the wedding, quite a few people wanted to come over "to meet the American", which I came to find out involved trying to drink a whole bunch of vodka and cognac with said American (when they weren't looking I put juice in my shot glass so it looked like I had already poured). It was fun getting to know some new people and to see how Dima is already part of another family.

I guess this is going to be a time of lots of new beginnings, even when endings seem to come with them...

Still no internet so photos will follow

A Good Start

Attractive young ladies just don't come up to me in lines for some reason, but when I was waiting in the immigration line at the airport in Kiev, Victoria did just that and asked why I was in the "visa" line if I am an American since Americans do not need visas. I explained that I would be here more than three months so I needed one. When I told her why I was here, Victoria lit up and said that she was going to be working with orphans this week. It turns out that Victoria is a children's rights lawyer in the States who wants to do more outreach and advocacy for kids in trouble with the law. I told her that is what we are doing and now she is interested in helping out here (her grandfather lives in Ukraine) and in America.

Not a bad way to start the trip, eh?